you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
