found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Acid is not a monday night drug
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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