I checked into jail on foursquare
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
