my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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