oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
