paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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