Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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