brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
