Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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