just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
