I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
