You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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