Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
