i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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