How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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