This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
