i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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