oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
