So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize