life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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