how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
