If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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