i just wanna soil my oats bro
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He? As in you personified your dick?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
