wanna go halves on a baby?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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