Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
