Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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