Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
