So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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