So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The power of my boobs compel you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
