she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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