He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
