my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
