Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
