we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
