with your own penis?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
