dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
