took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
