Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
