when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
