News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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