WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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