Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
