I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
