I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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