Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
