I met the friendliest cop last night
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
