so explain again why im purple
no
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
