CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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