The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
