hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
