Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
