Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
