Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
