Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
