I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
