Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
