my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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