dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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