i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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