As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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