last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
