yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
