I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Never underestimate the power of titties
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