he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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