On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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