Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
