I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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