Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The adults are the big ones right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
