i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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