you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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