did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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