Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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