i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
