I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
