I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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